Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God. Psalm 42:11, NKJV.
Depression is a very self-centered and energy-draining condition. It's hard to climb out of the "poor me" pit if (1) you don't care enough to even try and (2) you wouldn't have the energy to to start the effort even if you did want to try. Your heart feels too heavy and slow. But Christians don't get depressed, so don't tell anyone.
You think no one notices you are having difficulties because you can carry on a cheerful conversation and laugh at jokes--even tell them yourself. You know that commercial about the person who's depressed, holding a paper smiley face in front of their own? You could have done that without the paper. You're good at hiding behind a smiley face.
Nothing tastes good, nothing is fun, no sun is shining, and there's no end in sight. Prayer for yourself is useless, so don't even think about asking for it. Besides, you don't deserve to feel better anyway. A car crash might be welcome.
These are the lies your heart believes--and yes, they're lies. But somehow, even head knowledge that they're lies doesn't help.
So...yes, the reason you haven't seen so many blogs from me is for that reason. I finally gave in to the doctor's suggestion that some pills might help, and they have. I didn't like the thought because postpartum hit me after my youngest was born forty years ago, and the pills they gave me then were awful. They put me right to sleep. I couldn't even finish preparing a meal. She told me these were way different--and they have been. I can even pray! 😊
Don't -- please don't! -- feel sorry for me. Everything that doesn't kill me makes me stronger, and it also gives me the ability to empathize. It's temporary, and now I'm beginning to get caught up work-wise.
Lord, I pray for those experiencing the heaviness of depression. I pray that they will accept help. I pray that they will be helped. And when it's over, I pray that they will help others. Thank You, Lord.
No comments:
Post a Comment